10th June 2008

I woke up on Tuesday morning 11 weeks pregnant full of excitement and anticipation with a growing bubble of joy inside me. The scan brought the worst possible news and instead of being able to share my wonderful happiness with you all I feel devastated.

All the plans and dreams in my head are gone replaced by a grey fog. My children have been sweet and kind, concerned about their weeping Mummy who's trying and failing to hold it all together. My son climbed into bed with us at 4.30 am bring his special and most favourite toy for 'Mummy to cuggle' My daughter stayed awake till we got home from the hospital as she 'couldn't go to sleep until she had given me a hug'. Every time I look at their lovely faces it just reinforces what we have lost. My wonderful husband has been a tower of straight and support despite his own pain, pushing the hospital to stop shillyshallying and get on with taking care of me. Kind friends have brought flowers, hugs and shoulders to cry on. I never realised how common it is to loose a baby, or how little the doctors seem to know about why it happens.

I think it was Domesticali who wrote about the elephant in the corner, I feel a bit like that. I have nothing else to talk about or think about at the moment. Soon my little blog will go back to twittering on about creativity and domestic life but just for today it is full of tears.

Comments

[tracy]

i am so very, very sorry.
sending you so many gentle hugs and healing thoughts - take your time to heal - slow and steady - hold your family close and rest, rest, rest.
much love
t x

[Alison]

Oh I am so terribly sorry to hear such sad news.
Sending lots of love to you and your family and hope that new each day brings a little happiness & light back into your life.
Love
Alison x

[Lucy Locket-Pocket]

Oh Jo! I'm so very sorry for you and your whole family. Take very good care of each other. Sending you lots of love and best wishes, Lucy xxxx

[Camilla]

So sorry to hear your news, this really is so much more common than we ever realise until it touches us, but no matter how common it is that doesn't take away the hurt. I'm glad you have your kids and family around you to cuddle you better.

[janet clare]

so sorry to hear of your loss. It happened to me too, so I can imagine how you feel.

[Ali]

Oh Jo, how horrible. There are no healing words I can say, but I am thinking of you, and sending you a giant silent hug. You are among friends.

[julia]

Very sorry to read about your loss. I've suffered it twice myself and know how awful it feels. Utterly devastating. Sending you lots of healing thoughts. xx

[Lisa]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa xoxo
Knitty, Vintage and Rosy

[Lesley]

Oh Jo, I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. I can hardly begin to imagine how devastated you and your family must be feeling.
Take very good care of yourself. Sending you big hugs and lots of love,

Lesley xxxx

[jessica daisy]

so, so sorry to hear your sad news, there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but look after yourself and I hope that things will get a little easier as time goes on.
I wish you and your family love and best wishes during this horrible time in your life.
Jessx

[Elizabeth]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news, I'll be thinking of you.

[lucykate crafts...]

oh, i'm really sorry to hear this, it's very sad when this happens. i had 2 miscarriages in between having our 2, so i know and remember that dark place you will be right now. take care of yourself, x.

[Julia]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your children are so sweet the way they are take care of you. I pray blessings for you and your family

[lina]

So sorry Jo. I have emailed you a little something which helped me, hope you don't mind. Lina x

[Helen]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of your and your family. x

[Steph]

So, so sorry to hear of your awful news Jo. Bless you little sweethearts and your darling man. Sending you all my love, take all the time you can and be kind to yourself. Much love
Stephxxx

[Chookyblue]

thinking of you right now.......and don't worry about the crafty blog it will come back when you are ready to move on.........life will continue but never be the same.........please take care.........

[Joanne]

So very sorry to hear your news, Jo. Take care good care of yourself - we're all thinking of you.

[trisha]

Oh dear. I feel so sad for you and your family. Yake care and look after yourself. Your family sound so lovely.

[Gill]

I'm so sorry to hear your news Jo, it happened to me too, you're right it is such a common occurence but that doesn't make your pain any less. There's still so much we can't explain and I believe it's nature's way when something wasn't meant to be. I know having my two children helped me to get through it, they were wonderful and made me realise how lucky I was to have them already. Hang in there, don't feel you have to respond to any of these wonderful comments and messages, you're being sent a collective hug across cyberspace. You'll pick yourself up and carry on 'cos that's what we have to do.
Gill xx

[Ravenhill]

Dear Jo, your post brought tears to my eyes too. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you will have the time you need to grieve and to heal. Those tears will help you to mend the terrible ache of losing something so precious. I suffered a miscarraige too and understand the pain. Please take good care and allow others to care for you... much love and healing thoughts to you from Emily

[Sarah]

Oh Jo, I'm so so sorry to hear your news. I too have suffered the same loss so know exactly how you are feeling. All I can say is that everything happens for a reason and there was a reason why the baby didn't make it - sometimes, as hard as it is and as horrible as it sounds, it's better that this happened in the early stages, rather than later. You will feel better eventually and whilst you may never fully get it over it, thoughts of your little one will always be with.

Take care - sending lots of hugs to you and your lovely family.

Sarah x

[trashalou]

I am so sad for you and your family. sending you positive thoughts and hope your world lightens just a little soon.

[Karen]

Hello Jo, we don't know each other, but I know some of your pain at losing your child. This happened to my daughter and it is devastating. I can only send you love and hugs. Karen xx

[Karen]

Hello Jo, we don't know each other, but I know some of your pain at losing your child. This happened to my daughter and it is devastating. I can only send you love and hugs. Karen xx